The Padawan's PMS
by Red Pen Ninja
Summary: Ahsoka is having a bad week. Hilarity ensues!
1. A Bad Week Begins

**Got this idea after a very...bad week. Enjoy!**

It was early in the morning when Anakin's cell phone rang. The music blared, "Damn! It's a sexy chic! Sexy chic! Damn girl!" Grinning at the sound of his favorite song, Anakin reached over Padme` to the end table.

"You've reached Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, Hero With No Fear, and Master of Podracing. May I help you?"

Obi-Wan's voice sounded tired on the other end, "We need you at the Temple. Emergency council meeting."

Anakin nodded, then remembered his former master couldn't see him and said, "Be there in a second."

"Change your ringtone," ordered Padme` without opening her eyes.

"Get me a new phone."

"Change your ringtone!"

"Get me a new phone!"

"CHANGE YOUR RINGTONE!"

"GET ME A NEW PHONE!"

Padme` rolled onto her side and Anakin stormed out of bed, threw on his Jedi attire, and left the apartment in a huff.

At the Jedi Temple, the Council was rising too early. If you were to look at the security holograms, here's what you would see. Obi-Wan was trying to balance a cup of coffee as big as Yoda on his lap, Yoda was staring at Yaddle, Yaddle was trying to find her Jedi robe so she could cover up her scandalous pajamas, Mace was flirting without success with Adi Gallia, Adi was flirting with Kit, Kit was flirting with Aayla, Aayla was staring awkwardly away, Shaak was braiding Oppo Rancis' tail, Ki-Adi was brushing his beard while counting to one hundred thoasand six hundred and thirty-two, Plo Koon was aimlessly walking around the room, speaking of a magical unicorn joining the Dark Side, and Anakin was sitting and pouting.

"What's this meeting about anyway?" Anakin yelled over the chaos.

"Start it, I shall. But first, Master Yaddle, sit on my lap, you must," Yoda said.

Yaddle hurridly wrapped herself up in a Jedi robe and glared at Yoda. "The meeting shall come to order." yelled Mace.

The Council was silent for a minute, except for the yell of Obi-Wan when his hot coffee spilt all over him. Anakin laughed, and Obi-Wan threw a bottle of Jawa Juice: Now In Bantha PooDoo Flavor! at him.

"It's unfortunately that time of month again for Padawan Tano. And if anyone remembers last time..." the Council shuddered at the painful memory Mace had brought up. "Then we know it can't happen again. Of course, we can't tell her we know or she'd kill all of us for messing in her personal life."

"What do we do?" Ki-Adi yelled, pulling his legs up into the feetle position and rocking.

Oppo began to cry silently in his chair, using his braided tail to wipe his eyes. Shaak stood up, "Wait a second! Why is it a big deal when she PMS's but not when me or Adi or Luminara or Anakin does?"

"Hey!" Anakin yelled.

"In control of your emotions, you all are. Young Skywalker, unfortunately, agree I do, with Master Ti," Yoda said, handing Anakin a pint of Tusken Raider Chocolate Ice Cream and a TV Guide.

Anakin threw the ice cream out the window (where it hit Padme`'s head. "Hey! Ooh my favorite!") but kept the TV guide.

"Hey Pretty Little Liars is returning!" he said. "I mean, yeah football!"

"It's basketball season," Obi-Wan informed him.

"Thought it was baseball season, I did. Go Red Sox!" Yoda said.

Plo Koon promptly tackled the little Jedi, screaming "Go Yankees!"

"Can we focus please?" yelled Adi desperately. "The sooner we finish, the sooner we can go back to bed!"

The prospect of sleeping quieted the Masters and they let Mace continue the meeting, "Basically, we have to go on with our lives this week normally, or it will only make it worse if we get involved."

Anakin slumped in his seat, "Easy for you to say. She's my Padawan."

"We'll try to keep you off missions, okay?"

Anakin didn't respond. Suddenly, heavy footstepts echoed in the hallway. The Council could hear the guards running and hiding. The doors burst open and Ahsoka stomped in.

She looked strange without her makeup on and her Padawan beads were tangled around her tentecles. She was wearing a long robe and fuzzy womp rat slippers. Her eyes were red, like she was on the Dark Side.

Oppo launched himself out the window and landed in the Chancellor's speeder. "I need a ride, mylord. Doesn't matter where. I just need to get out of here!" the Council heard him yelling.

Ki-Adi hid behind his chair, whimpering and Mace reached for Adi's hand. She slapped him. The rest of the Council members stood their ground, but shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"You guys woke me up with all your stupid talking! What is so important that it needs to be discussed at six in the morning!" Ahsoka screamed.

"Actually Snips, it's 9:00." Anakin offered his Padawan.

"Shut up, _Master_!" she screeched. "Why don't you all go back to bed like normal human beings and sleep? Oh wait, you're all Jedi so you're not normal! Where's my iPod? Did you borrow it again, Windu? Look, I don't need this. My life is bad enough without you idiots messing it up! UGH!" And with that, she turned from the room and stomped back down the hall to her chambers.

"This is gonna be a long week," Anakin sighed.


	2. Mad Mission

** Thanks to Lefty Blony, SusanaStrWrsNrd97, Ani-Banani22 (whos username I love), DaWaffle, lady gaga, and blackrose for your reviews. May the Force be with DaWaffle (again :D) and SusanaStrWrsNrd97 (again xD) for giving me a story alert. And I love Ani-Banani22 for adding this to their favorites list. And it's not even done! **

Anakin had spent most of the day hiding from Ahsoka, who could be heard a mile away, yelling at any poor Jedi that happened to be in her path. "Shut up and go away!" He shuddered and ninja-ran through the halls of the Temple and into the Council chamber.

"Anakin," Mace said kindly. He got suspicious, Mace was never nice to him.

"What's going on?"

"We need you and Ahsoka to go on a mission," Obi-Wan said slowly.

"You're kidding me! Get someone else to do it!" he pleaded.

"Tried, we did. Need you, we do," Yoda said.

"Then just let me go," Anakin made another desperate attempt to escape from the mission.

Yoda shook his head, "Her master, you are. Teach her, you must."

Anakin rolled his eyes, "Fine. What's my mission?"

"Master Secura was on her way to Correllia for a diplomatic mission when her cruiser was captured by Seperatists. So we need you and Padawan Tano to take it back," Mace told him.

He crossed his arms, "Now I see why you need me. I'm the best pilot."

Suddenly, Obi-Wan was charging at him with a skillet and hit him on the head. He fell to the ground. A few minutes later he stood, rubbing his sore head.

"What was that for?"

"I'm trying to shrink your oversized head!"

Anakin shot a string of cuss words at the Jedi and then stormed out of the Temple.

"He's almost worse than Ahsoka," Mace said quietly.

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Starlight**_

Ahsoka was yelling at a couple of pilots at the bridge of the ship and Anakin was standing behind her, muted. Any other day, Anakin would be calming her down with a midly funny and sarcastic Jedi lesson, but he had already received his stunning dose of her wrath.

It went something like this:

Anakin was giving a breifing while Ahsoka was steaming behind him, like a volcano about to blow. A clone raised his hand to ask a question.

In an attempt to teach a lesson to Ahsoka he said, "Any further questions will be answered by Commander Tano."

Ahsoka glared at him and hit his mechanical arm, a feeling that was almost like a sex urge, but in his arm. He smiled a little, thinking of Padme`.

"What do you need me to answer, Rex?" Ahsoka's mood always improved when she was around Rex.

"The Republic recently gave us some new guns. Will we be able to use those?"

"What do they do?" she said sweetly.

"They shoot potatoes," he said, snickering.

As if on cue, the entire bridge yelled, "PO-TA-TOES! BOIL 'EM, MASH 'EM, PUT 'EM IN A STEW!"

"You idiots! That's sooo not funny! That's immature and really nerdy! I mean, Lord of the Rings, really? At least like something mildly cool, like Star Trek!"

"Who likes Star Trek?" sniggered a clone under his breath.

"Uhh, I do! Are you suggesting something?" she yelled, inches from the clone's face.

"Calm down, Snips," Anakin soothed, protecting the clone from sudden death. Or worse, a drastic loss of self-confidence. If you haven't noticed, when you have thoasands of twin brothers, you don't have a lot of self-esteem. I mean, the clones are kind of hot, but there's thoasands of them for us to choose from!

She turned on him, pointing a long finger at him, tipped with Obi-Wan Blue Lightsaber nail polish. "Why don't you be quiet? You have nothing to teach me, because you have nothing in your mind! Why don't you just shut up and go back to being a slave on Tatooine, huh? You're probably better at following orders than giving them!"

"That's enough!" he yelled. They had a stare-down, then Anakin stormed out of the room, muttering about no-good girls in his life.

Poor Anakin had already had enough of this mission and they hadn't even gotten to their destination yet.

**Sorry, clearly this chapter wasn't as funny as the last one. But hopefully, the next will be funnier. Just bear with me and it'll be funny next chapter (Aayla is gonna teach Ahsoka a few things about PMSing)**


	3. False Purity and Flying Hormones

** Thanks for all the other reviews and story alerts from Starlyn Neoma and civil-moon8. Oh and for the record Lefty Blondy, I was trying to make Ahsoka seem even more mean by putting down LOTR and liking Star Trek. I let myself down last chapter, but this one will most likely be better.**

**On the Republic cruiser _Starlight_**

Ahsoka was slow to wake up the next day and drank four cups of coffee.

"Who is she, General Kenobi?" Bob-Short-For-Robert whispered to Rex.

Rex didn't say anything, but shoved Bob-Short-For-Robert's head into his milky scrambled womp rat eggs. He watched as the Jedi Padawan's eyes followed Anakin's butt out of the room. Rex rolled his eyes. He was never going to get a chance with her, not with Anakin around. He turned his attention back towards his bantha milk and Sithies-The Breakfast of Killers! Cereal.

Ahsoka followed her master out of the breakfast hall and into the bridge of the ship. It was completely empty, with the exception of a few pilots.

"Master?" she said quietly.

Anakin turned, glaring at her and fingering a gold ring. "Yes?"

She looked down at her feet, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I've just been having a...rough week."

"Don't I know it. I mean, everyone has a bad week once in a while," he said, sitting against a broken control panel. She sat down next to him.

"I'll try to be good the rest of the mission, okay?"

He smiled at her and then said, "Sure."

She looked away, then quickly turned back, grabbed Anakin's hair, and pulled him towards her.

"Uhhh," a clone said, creeped out at the sight of a Padawan making out with her Master.

"Shut up this is YouGalaxy gold!" the other said, recording it on his iPhone.

Anakin pushed her off of him, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I...I..."

"No! Okay? You can't kiss me because I'm...I'm," now Anakin was fried. He couldn't admit to a ship full of gossiping clones (they're almost as bad as Senators) that he was married.

"You're _what_, Master?" Ahsoka said, crossing her arms and sending him her best suspicion look.

"Wearing my purity ring?" he said in a small voice, showing her his gold (wedding) band.

He could already feel his heart sinking. Padme` was bound to find out about his excuse sooner or later and he was going to get it.

Ahsoka was suddenly holding a hammer and brought it up to her head.

"Wait where did you get..." his voice was killed by the hammer's strong head.

"Ha!" Anakin said. His thick skull was no match for Ahsoka's immature hammer.

She rolled her eyes, kicked a...tender area, and ran out of the room, shielding her eyes from the clones.

"Pfffaaaaaah," Anakin gasped, kneeling and then falling to the ground.

**Aboard the Republic cruiser _Initalics._**

Aayla stepped inside the small bathroom, shut the door and, took out her cell phone.

"Don't clog the toilet," warned the battle droid from outside.

"Got it," she said, typing a quick message to Ahsoka and Anakin:

U on ur way? me and kit

Anakin's reply was first. No surprise. The Force had given him quick reflexes, according to Qui-Gon:

Srry we had a hold up. Thx a lot Ahsoka. playjedi

Aayla rolled her eyes and responded:

change ur sig and hurry up. We need to evacuate. I'm in an escape pod now me and kit

Ahsoka's response finally came:

does ur ship have escape bathrooms? frick purity

yes i'm in one rite now me and kit

"Get out of there, Jedi. Your time is up," the droid called.

Aayla shoved her phone in her back pocket and stepped outside. Well, so much for escape bathrooms.

**On the Republic cruiser **_**Starlight**_

"I just got a text from Aayla!" two Jedi said at the same time, bursting into the bridge.

"What do they say?" Rex asked.

"Well for one thing, she and Kit are definitely dating," Anakin said.

"Why do you care? You're too pure!" Ahsoka said.

Anakin stuck his tongue out at her and continued, "She was in an escape pod but I haven't heard from her since."

"I did!" Ahsoka said smugly. "She says she's in an escape bathroom right now."

"We already knew that, Commander," a clone said kindly, shielding his face from a blow of harsh words.

"I'm going aboard that ship right now and sorting this all out!" she announced, storming out of the room.

"Ahsoka, wait! Ahsoka!" Anakin called, running after her.

She got on a shuttle and piloted it herself towards _Initalics._

**Aboard **_**Initalics**_

"Sir, there's a shuttle headed for us," a droid said.

Aayla craned her head to look out the window and saw a shuttle swerving towards the ship. Definitely the young Padawan, she thought.

"Turn on the tractor beam," the commander said in his squeeky voice. In about ten seconds Aayla was going to rip off their heads.

The shuttle was pulled towards and then inside the ship. Aayla followed the droids to search the ship.

She could already hear Ahsoka's angry voice yelling at the droids, "Get off me, you pervy little piece of metal! You're nothing more than a glorified toaster oven!"

Aayla sighed. It was bad enough being captured by these anerexic astromechs, but now to have a PMSing Padawan on board with her...she was going to have to do something drastic.

Mirror Mode.

**Kudos to all those who got the joke behind the name of Aayla's cruiser and the signatures of the Jedi. **

** Next chapter: Aayla teaches Ahsoka a lesson about being a be-atch (thanks to my Uncle Mike (on my mom's side) for teaching me that word ;D)!**


	4. Cat Fights

**So many amazing reviews! And story alerts. And other stuff like that. I took in a lot of the suggestions and I decided to put them into this next chapter. Enjoy!**

**In the Senate Rotunda Building**

Padme` locked up her office while balancing the new bill for a new Chancellor election process. A few other Senators walked by, gossiping.

The one with hair more…..unique than Padme's said, "A couple of clones reported in from a ship this morning."

The fat Twi'lek snorted, "Why should I care?"

"It was from Anakin's ship. They said that the Hero With No Fear has a purity ring!" squealed the first.

The other one gaped, "You're kidding me! He's too hot to be pure!"

Their conversation slowly died in the hall, the last thing Padme` heard was, "You're too fat to get him." "WHAT?"

"Anakin, I'm gonna murder you," she muttered, whipping out a T-Mobile cell phone. It beeped unhappily, "Sure, the Jedi get AT&T coverage and what do we get? Nothing!"

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

Aayla put her hands on her hips and strutted towards Ahsoka, eyes gleaming with anger, "Sti-fuu! (STFU!)"

Ahsoka turned, raised a white eyebrow, and paused in her angry rant to a clone, "Excuse me?" she said, snapping her fingers in a Z-forma-tion!

"You heard me, bitch!" Aayla cried.

This was too much for the angry Padawan. She lunged herself at the Twi'lek, pulling on her lekku and scratching the Jedi Master's well-toned blue arms. The droids quickly surrounded the wrestling Jedi, while the clones stood their laughing, as both Jedi were severely under-dressed.

"Break it up, fools! Break it up!" a scratchy coughing voice proclaimed, ripping Ahsoka off of her old friend with a cold, metal arm.

"General, we had this under control," the commander said.

The General coughed, and immediately everyone knew who it was. Grievous. "I doubt that. I am taking a walk around my newly-conquered ship and what do I see? Two Jedi at it again!"

"That's not what they were doing, sir. They were fighting," the commander corrected his boss.

Grievous was silent for a moment, and the ship was silent with him. Then he said, "You, who started this fight?" He pointed a dirty metal finger at a clone.

Liam looked around nervously, the new recruit wasn't good under pressure, "Her. Ahsoka Tano."

"Bwahaha! Seems like General Skywalker is finally a Knight, yes?"

"Where have you been, General?" sneered Ahsoka as two droids handcuffed her. "Skyguy has been a Knight for over a year now."

"Take her to the bridge!" Grievous yelled angrily, and then erupted in a fit of coughing.

"That's what happens when you make yourself a droid," scolded Ahsoka. Apparently, crushing sarcasm was a part of her PMS.

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Starlight**_

Anakin's cell phone rang, he checked the caller ID. Padme`. He rolled his eyes and picked up the phone.

"Hi, Master! How are you?" he said in false happiness, taking his call into the hallway and away from the clones.

Padme's voice interrupted his lying, "Purity ring? That's what you told them? And you kissed Ahsoka?"

"You've got this all wrong! She kissed me!" Anakin's slightly muffled voice drifted into the silent bridge. The clones tried to ignore the yelling of their General.

"I don't want to hear it! When you get home, you're gonna have hell to pay, you hear me Anakin Skywalker? Hell. To. Pay!"

"Look, I'm sorry. But right now I really have to go. Lives are on the line here!"

"Who?" Padme` interrogated.

"The clones, my Padawan, Master Secura?" Anakin said, questioning his wife's loyalty to the Republic.

"Oh so apparently all of a sudden, two Jedi and a ton of copies with blasters are more important than me?"

"I never said that! Stop twisting my words around!" Anakin yelled. Both ends were silent for a moment.

"I have to go, Ani. I'm sorry. Call me later?" Padme` pleaded, innocence returning to her voice.

"It's fine, it's fine. But one favor, make sure Pretty Little Liars is recording, okay?" Anakin hurriedly added his request in. Then he made a kissing noise into the phone and said, "Love you."

"Them Jedi got issues!" Bob-Short-For-Robert said, just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

Under their helmets, the clones laughed as Anakin reentered the room and gazed at _Initalics. _

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

Grievous dragged Ahsoka up to the bridge. "Damn it!" he yelled, slamming his silver head against the top of the door frame.

Ahsoka grinned, for the first time all week. As if Grievous' pain had awakened a hidden talent, her mind began to "kick into gear" as Anakin called it. Grievous held his arms like a spider might and watched _Starlight_ hover around _Initalics_. Ahsoka's mind had gifted her with a great idea.

Rising, she crept up behind the droid and leapt on his back. He snapped under the pressure. Literally. Like an old tree or something. Grievous fell onto the ground, Ahsoka sitting on top of him proudly.

"Get…..her…..off!" he managed to sputter between coughs. A few droids approached the Padawan, only to be ninja-kicked away. Grievous was finally able to stand and Ahsoka clung to his caped shoulders.

He ran around the bridge, bucking like a crazed tauntaun. Ahsoka held on strong, until the General was reduced to begging and pleading.

"Please get off. I'll let you go." All his pleas were ignored. A few purple tears slid down his face. Yes, when you're a cyborg, your tears are indeed purple. Ahsoka finally slid off his back.

"Haha! Yes!" he yelled, standing up completely straight and stretching his thin wiry metal arms. His spidery hand whipped around and slapped her.

She looked back towards him, eyes burning with hate. Grievous took a cautious step back.

She erupted, "You jerk! I mean, I know I can be a bit of a bitch sometimes but really? You didn't have to hit me! I don't even know why I'm here! I'm so tired of all you idiots bossing me around and pushing me off the deep end like that's totally fine! I mean, is it too much to ask for a little respect?"

Grievous was completely silent and still. He was too afraid to move or breathe. She continued her rant, "I just hate every single one of you! You push me around and you just….you…just…."

She crumpled to the floor, landing in a kneeling position, and buried her face in her hands. She cried loudly. Grievous was so confused. Never before did he have to deal with a _girl_ in his life. No wonder the Jedi didn't like marriage. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

Grabbing his Motorola Droid, he shut himself in an escape bathroom and called Anakin.

"You've reached Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, the Hero With No Fear, and Master of Podracing. May I help you?"

"Take your Padawan back!"

**Next chapter: bad negotiations and more PMS "fun" Aayla will finally prove that escape bathrooms were a good idea, Grievous and Anakin will have some interesting phone convos. Be prepared!**


	5. Bad Ideas Bad Generals Bad Negotiations

**The amount of reviews and story alerts and stuff this has been getting is insane! Thank you guys! I promise, this will be a very interesting chapter. **

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

Aayla shut the door behind her and pulled out the control panel hidden behind the sink. She thanked the Force for PMSing, as Ahsoka had caused the legion's smartest droids to run upstairs and pry the Padawan off of Grievous. She giggled a little at the thought.

She sent a quick text to Anakin: on my way. –me and kit-

She slammed her fist on a green button and the escape bathroom shot through the air. It started to roll, over and over.

"Sith," Aayla muttered, clinging to the sink as the bathroom hurtled towards _Starlight._

Her phone vibrated and she held it up and checked her message. The flying bathroom lurched suddenly and her phone, her greatest treasure, soared from her hand and landed in the toilet.

Her cry echoed through space, from the Coruscant to the Outer Rim, from the Jedi Temple to Mos Eisley cantina, "MY PHONE!"

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Starlight**_

"What was that?" a clone said upon hearing Aayla's distressed cry.

Anakin shook his head, "Doesn't matter."

The clones shrugged, "Well, we got what looks like an out of control escape bathroom coming towards us."

Anakin sighed, escape bathrooms were the worst idea Yoda had ever had. "Pull it in."

He walked towards the big metal cylinder and Aayla stepped out. "Nice to see you, Master Secura."

"Move it," she sneered, pushing him out of the way with a wet hand.

"She's more messed up than you or the Commander combined," Sherman said from behind him.

"Get back to your post," Anakin growled.

"Touchy!" Sherman howled, giving him the cat-claw gay thing. Anakin raised an eyebrow and Sherman scurried off.

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

"Please! You have to take her back! She's driving me insaneeeee!" Grievous howled in despair. Ahsoka was having fun in the corner, making paper cut outs with the General's dirty gray and black cape.

"You already are insane, cyborg," Ahsoka said from the corner.

Anakin (on the other end of the phone line) laughed to himself, and said, "What if I don't want her back?"

"What do you mean?" Grievous said, his mechanical heart skipping a mechanical beat.

"Well, having a girl as an apprentice isn't exactly a walk across Naboo, you know what I mean?"

Grievous, having exactly zero, maybe even -3, knowledge about "the other gender" as he called it, said "No. Please elaborate General Skywalker."

Anakin rubbed his face, "She's only like fifteen and I'm supposed to teach her to be a Jedi. And let's face it, I'm super-hot and that makes things super awkward. Especially since…. Ok never mind, but this week is very important in a female month. And I don't want to be a part of it. All week we had one good moment and then she had to go and kiss me!"

Grievous was silent. Anakin continued, "I mean, she's like a little sister and now she had to go and make it all awkward. And now Rex hates me!"

"You know what I think, General Skywalker? I think this week is almost over," Grievous said, his voice full of false hope.

"You know what I think? I think she's your problem until you give up _Initalics_ or the week is over," Anakin said, slamming down his phone and flipping his hair in a Justin Bieber sort of way.

**Before you get all Justin Bieber? on me, just know I absolutely hate him. –hires assistant- Continue the story!**

Aayla had emerged from the tech hall, with a new phone. "Stupid thing."

The clones laughed to themselves. She shot a glare at Rex, who wasn't wearing his helmet as he giggled about the Jedi's misfortune.

Anakin's phone vibrated. "Grievous," he said. The clones gathered around and put the iPhone on super-speaker.

"Do you want money? Huh?" the cyborg's tortured voice cut through the silent air.

The entire ship stifled one huge laugh. Anakin managed to choke out, "I told you what I want."

"But I can't," the General whined. "I have orders."

"Then talk to your boss because I'm not taking her back unless you fulfill one of my two conditions!"

Nothing but static echoed around the room, "Fine." He muttered.

Anakin grinned. His plan was going great!

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

"My lord," Grievous sputtered, bowing before a hologram of Dooku.

"General Grievous. What are your reports?"

The cyborg let out a howl of agony, "Let me give them back the ship! They have a secret weapon!"

"Ahauhau! No silly Jedi weapon could ever defeat us!" Dooku said haughtily. "What is this weapon anyway?"

"Her," Grievous said, turning around to show the Padawan hanging from his back.

"Ahh Padawan Tano! A pleasure," Dooku said sarcastically.

Ahsoka slid off his back and crossed her arms in front of the projector, "Eww it's you!"

In a mimicking voice Dooku said, "Eww it's youuu!"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. Grievous stepped forward, "She's doing something, Count. They call it Pee-ehm-essing!"

Dooku's beady eyes widened, "That's your problem! This was your idea!"

"You're the boss! You told me to! If you don't get here, I'm giving back the ship back and I'm never coming back to base. You hear me, Albert Dooku?"

Ahsoka giggled, "Albert."

"You can't quit! You're fired!"

"Then I'll just take _my_ army with me!" Grievous screeched.

Dooku sighed, "Fine. I'll take over the ship. It shouldn't be too hard to control this Jedi scum!"

"Speak for yourself, _Albert_," Ahsoka sneered. The image flickered and then disappeared.

"See ya, suckers!" Grievous said, running as fast as his thin metal legs could carry him. Ahsoka smiled and sat down at the controls of the ship.

**Sounds a lot like Grievous and Dooku are married, if anyone remembers Padme and Anakin's argument. Next chapter: Dooku has to negotiate with Anakin while Ahsoka's PMS does some bad things to the good ship **_**Initalics. **_


	6. Darth Fatty and A Call To Remember

**I didn't think the last chapter was all that funny but I guess I was wrong. Thanks for all the reviews! Oh, by the way I have a new assistant named Bob (Short For Robert) who used to be a clone trooper. **

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics**_

It had taken Dooku twenty full minutes to get from Coruscant, where he was meeting with his Master, to the Republic cruiser. A few droids greeted him as he stepped off of his Geonosian shuttle and onto the ship. It grumbled in agony, well the Count had put on a few pounds since the fight with Anakin and Obi-Wan.

In all honesty, the former Jedi was depressed. He missed Yoda so much and he was jealous that the long-haired fool and the bearded buffoon got to have Yoda and he couldn't. Albert Dooku kept his feelings bottled up inside and stifled them with Jawa Juice, Correllian cream puffs, and other galactic delicacies.

"Can I get you anything, milord?" a droid buzzed from behind him.

He shot back an immediate response, a favorite for space travel, "Naboo chocolate pie and a tall glass of bantha milk."

"Would you like whipped cream?"

"On both," Dooku said, not seeing the problem with putting whipped cream on milk.

The droid nodded, well as much as it could nod. It didn't have a neck. Dooku wished he had drawn his own plans for the droids, they looked like anorexic astromechs. He stepped inside the main room, where the droids who were guarding the clone troopers saluted him.

"I've got to warn you, sir," a clone said, gripping his cape so hard it started to tear. "You shouldn't have come aboard. If the commander is cruel to us, think about what she will do to you."

Dooku kicked the clone away, it groaned, and continued his walk. He stopped by the kitchen on his way to the stairs and grabbed a bag of Jedi Jelly Beans.

"Commander," he asked a droid. "Do we have an elevator to the bridge?"

"No sir. The Jedi Padawan cut the wires…..with General Grievous' leg."

Dooku sighed and looked down at his bulging gut. Clutching the railing of the stairs, he started to climb.

A few hours later, he checked his progress, doubling over and leaning on his scrawny knees. He looked down.

"Not bad," he said to no one in particular, pride surging through his clogged heart because he had conquered two sets of stairs.

He looked up and his pride sank. Above was about ten more sets of stairs. "Ooooh!" he moaned, clutching his heart. "I think I feel a heart attack coming on!"

Nearly four hours later, Dooku dragged himself into the bridge. Ahsoka was sitting in the captain's chair, spinning around lazily and playing Chop Chop Ninja on her iPod.

"Hi Dooku," she said without looking up. "Enjoy your climb?"

He moaned and rolled onto his back, breathing heavily. "I…..hate…you."

She laughed coldly, "Join the club. Nearly everyone hates me this week."

"Aww no. Don't tell me," he said, remembering what Assajj was like during her week.

_"Silence, apprentice. We have much work to do," he said calmly._

_ "I don't want to train! I want chocolate! Get me some chocolate!" she yelled, igniting a lightsaber._

_ Dooku's heart stopped and he ignited his own, "Now, apprentice, you know it's against the Sith code to eat chocolate."_

_ "You stupid ass-bags and your dumb rules!" she shrieked, throwing a poison dart at Dooku's head._

_ He expertly ducked it and recomposed himself, "Now, now."_

_ "Shut up!" she yelled, hurling a holocron at his gut. _

_ It hit him and he groaned, "Gruuh!"_

_ "Lose some weight, Master!" she yelled, exiting the lair. Dooku heard the ship rumbled and fly away._

_ "My precious….." he said, pulling out a piece of chocolate and stroking it lovingly. _

Dooku sat up and pulled out his cell phone. "Oh how I love this phone. We Sith and Separatists get Verizon coverage."

"That's weird. So does Supreme Chancellor Palpantine. Normally, politicians get T-Mobile….." Ahsoka said curiously.

"Uhh, yeah weird." Dooku said nervously, scratching at a zit and dialing a number on his phone.

"Anakin, I have a little proposition to make…"

Ahsoka stood up, anger flashing in her eyes, and faced the fat Sith. Dooku gulped.

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Starlight**_

Rex was no idiot. Or maybe he was. There were bets about his sanity, as there were bets about the Chancellor being gay, or the Jedi being traitors to the Republic, or the bets about Anakin having a girlfriend. But most of them were stupid. The last one he had gambled on was the Chancellor being a Sith lord. Crazy. Maybe that's why some people argued his sanity.

"Oh please," the voice in his head said. "You're perfectly insane. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here!"

"Aww shut up, Herman," he said to the mysterious voice.

"You know, I'm a girl," the voice said irritably.

"Some days you're a girl, some a boy. Make up your mind!"

"You make up yours. I am only here because you are," the voice pointed out.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he yelled, standing up from the table and putting his pistol to his head.

"All right, all right. Only so you won't kill yourself," the voice said, obviously stifling a laugh.

The other clones looked at him. One whispered, "He hears it too." The other clones looked astonished.

Anakin's phone rang, "Damn it's a sexy chick! A sexy chick! Damn girl!"

The Hero With No Fear was currently facing a big problem: reprogramming R2-D2 off of Slash Mode.

"Should I answer it?" Sherman asked the others. Rex nodded. Well, you can't disobey the leader.

Sherman imitated Anakin's voice, "Uhh, hi it's Anakin Skywalker."

"Hey Skyguy. You wanna know something?"

"Sure," Sherman said nervously. Then he mouthed, "It's Ahsoka." The clones paled.

"Well, my problems just ended a few minutes ago. I feel great! Which is more than I can say for Dooku. My last day was so fun! I tortured the Count for hours and then I went to the bathroom and boom it was gone!"

"Uhhh, I didn't need that much information but I'm glad you're okay now."

"Yeah, I don't know why I just told you that. So when I came out, I went to sleep and now I feel great! I'm ready to come back now," she said happily.

Anakin burst in the room holding R2's severed head under his arm, "Give me the phone, Sherman!"

Sherman handed him the phone and mouthed, "PMS is gone!"

Ahsoka was saying "…..Yeah, so I'll fly home now?"

"Not yet Snips. I want you to get all the clones off of there, press the red button behind the third escape bathroom, and then get out of there."

"Okay, Master!" the line went dead.

Anakin faced the clones, "All right. I told you so. She was going to finish before they would give up the ship. Five bucks each, pay up."


	7. The Period Code

**The final chapter! I'm so sad it's over, but I think if I write too much more I might ruin it. Ani-Banani22, my favorite stories by you were Games and Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan Visit Gram-Gram's. Enjoy!**

**Aboard the Republic cruiser **_**Initalics.**_

All was quiet on the abandoned ship, with the exception of Dooku's moaning, a result of food poisoning, and the droids trying to comfort him.

"Blweahahahah!" he coughed into a toilet.

"Wipe your mouth, sir!" cried the commander.

Ahsoka giggled. She was glad she had stolen Anakin's sandwich. Best decision ever! With the clones gone, the ship was eerily empty. She could still see the last of the escape pods hurtling towards _Starlight_.

"Third escape bathroom, red button," she muttered to herself. "Aha!"

"Put the earplugs in and get ready to run," Anakin instructed over the phone.

"Got it, Master," she said, stuffing bright yellow earplugs into her ears.

She slammed her fist on the button. The walls suddenly turned into giant projector screens. Justin Bieber, Hannah Montana, and the Jonas Brothers were suddenly singing on the wall.

"Baby baby baby! Ooh! Like, baby baby baby nooo!" Justin Bieber's high pre-puberty voice blared through the empty halls of the ship.

"You get the best of both worlds! Chillin out take it slow, then you rock out the show!" Hannah Montana tried to sing and be a role model for four year olds everywhere on the ship.

Ahsoka took off running, laughing quietly to herself. Then she saw them. The Jonas Brothers.

"Ooh! This is an SOS don't wanna second guess!" The Disney stars humiliated themselves in front of crazed ten year olds.

Ahsoka reached the shuttle just in time and flew out of the crumbling cruiser.

"NOOOOOOO!" she heard Dooku yell, shoving droids out of the way and escaping in a pink Starfighter.

**In the Jedi Temple**

"That old fatty stole my ship," Aayla grumbled, crossing her arms as the clones cracked open a fresh bottle of Jawa Juice.

"Well, it's too late now," Ahsoka said, full of good spirits.

"Stupid Padawan," Aayla said, storming out of the Council chamber.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and went to her quarters to play Halo Reach. The Council filed in.

"We have reached a conclusion," Mace Windu announced. He spread his arms out wide, like he was going to get a hug or a round of applause for telling everyone else this.

"And? Do you want to tell us what it is?" Ki-Adi said irritably.

Mace rolled his eyes, "Maybe, maybe not."

"Five year old girl, you are, Master Windu. Tell them, I will," Yoda said. The Council harmoniously "oooohed". Mace Windu crossed his arms and pouted.

"Pout-free zone, this is. Into time-out, you must go," Yoda said, turning Mace's chair around with the Force.

Anakin stifled laughter and said, "What's your idea?"

"We need to have a place for unstable Padawans and other female Jedi can go during their week. That way, they'll be alone and we don't have to deal with them," Obi-Wan said, applying another Insta-Caf patch.

"Bought a Naboo island, we did. Building a small city on it, some clones are," Yoda said proudly.

Anakin's jaw dropped open, "YES! WOOOHOOOO!"

"I thought you might say that," Shaak said, rolling her eyes.

"That's all we needed to discuss. Council adjourned," Obi-Wan said.

"Not you, Master Windu," Yoda said. "Five more minutes, you still have."

Anakin went back to Padme's apartment early to watch Pretty Little Liars. Padme` wouldn't let him watch it when she, because she wanted to watch Monster Truck Rally or NASCAR.

His phone suddenly started to ring, the emergency siren on the _Starlight. _

"Uh-oh," he muttered, looking down at his phone.

It read: Padme` PMS.

As if on cue, the door burst open. Anakin gulped.

**No, I'm probably not going to make a sequel unless you really want one. But I am going to write a story about what would happen if Anakin forgot a very important day in the marriage year…..his anniversary! **


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